The SomewhatLessThenPerfectYetOddlyFunny Wedding
by Rosie Scrivello DDS
Summary: It's hard to understand fully if you aren't personally connected with me... Oh well. It came about by the conversation my boyfriend and I had last night. Enjoy! Don't flame me too bad... =D


The Somehow Less Than Perfect Yet Oddly Funny Wedding ****

The Somehow Less Than Perfect Yet Oddly Funny Wedding

****

Setting: December 7, 2006, "Fairy Tale Wedding" in a stupidly big church with tons of people in the pews. There is no priest, but the bride and the groom standing there. The bride is in a large white dress that's very form fitting, but looks fabulous; mesh over the back, and a very low neck line. She wears glasses beneath the veil. Atop her head, a "crown" with the veil over her head. The groom is wearing a tux, blue baseball cap and glasses. 

Bride (stands in front of the alter, being the priest): Do you, Luis Z**** B******, take Lindsay M** S*****, to be your lawfully wedded wife, blah blah blah, etc., etc.? 

Groom (Luis): Can I go to the bathroom?

Bride (Lindsay): *sighs* If you ask me one more time… No you may not. 

Luis: *looks down at the floor; quietly* Okay.

Lindsay (as preist, turns to herself): And do you, myself, take Luis Z**-

Lindsay (goes back to standing next to Luis): No. 

Lindsay (as preist, turns to Luis): You may now kiss the bride.

Lindsay (returns to standing next to Luis): *lifts up veil*

Luis: No tongue. We're getting married.

Lindsay: *snaps fingers* Darn… *looks up and waits impatiently* 

Luis: That's for after the wedding. *smiles*

Lindsay: I'm waiting… 

Luis: *leans forward and kisses her*

Lindsay: *hugs him and draws his closer*

Luis: *pulls away after about 30 seconds*

Everybody sitting down: *claps and cheers*

Someone in crowd: #&%&@! 

Lindsay: Joanna! That's not nice!

Joanna: *looks up from book* What?

Lindsay: Nevermind. 

Lindsay (as preist for last time): And now, for the first time, Mr. And Mrs. Luis B******! 

Everyone: *more clapping, cheering*

Lindsay (as herself): *runs down aisle for no reason*

Luis: *runs after her*

Lindsay: *trips on dress, falls and lies on the floor* 

Luis: *sits down next to her* Are you okay?

Lindsay: What? Oh. No. 'Course not.

Luis: I'll have to carry you out.

Lindsay: *looks in horror* NO! *runs out of room and through the "lobby" and outside. Once she gets outside, she realises it's December and it's cold out. She runs back in*

Luis (after she ran out): … 

Lindsay (when she runs back in): CAP'N, THEY'VE'EM GOTTEN US ALL SORROUNDED! *runs and hides behind alter*

Lisa (a best friend of Lindsay): *stands up*

Johnny Rzeznik (Ynnhoj), Mike Malinin (Mark) and Robby (Robby): *stand up as well*

Yhnnoj: I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual Buffalo, New York!

Lisa: But it's the pelvic thrust!

Mark and Robby: That really drives you insane!

All four: Let's do the time warp again! *run into aisles and start dancing the time warp*

Luis: *runs to alter and stands on it; turns to Johnny, who is now wearing Frank-N-Futer attire* Frank-N-Futer, it's all over. Your mission is a failure, you're lifestyles too extreme! I'm your new commander, you are now my prisoner! We return to Transylvania, prepare the transit beam! *jumps and runs behind it to Lindsay* We'll have a wonderful life together, with no plants! No plants at all! 

Lindsay: Oh Luis! I gotta get ready! *pauses* Wait, we're already married.

Luis: *smiles* I know. C'mon, there's a limo waiting out back.

Lindsay: *pouts* But the reception…

Luis: *peers out from behind altar* This is the wedding. Do you want to go to the reception and/or party?

Lindsay: *looks out and sees the Goo Goo Dolls and Lisa doing the Time Warp and Johnny is in Frank-N-Futer's attire* Where's the limo?

Luis: *he takes her hand, and leads her out a back doorway, where no one saw them leave*

Arwen and Jessi: *stand up, run to the front of the room and look behind alter* THE MARRIED COUPLE ISN'T THERE! *they both start dancing to Macavity*

*everybody who isn't the Goo Goo Dolls, Lisa, Arwen, Jessi, Luis or Lindsay continues to sit and stare at the craziness* 

This fic was brought to you by the conversation of Luis and Lindsay on the night of June 20, 2001. 

=D


End file.
